Play = Friend
RMP = Random Male Player
[explosions and gunfire as game ends]
Play: I got the guy behind him.
RMP1: Look at the desperation in using a target finder on FUCKING HARDCORE, you pussy!
Me: Wow, complain a little more dude.
RMP2: Bro, just call her ugly. She obviously is fucking ugly as shit ‘cuz she’s playing Call of Duty and lookit- LOOK! Dude she’s on the fuckin’ top scoreboard. Loo- [laughter]
RMP3: [mocking laughter]
Me: Dude, you’re playing Call of Duty at the exact same time as me. What does that say about you?
RMP2: No hot chick- no hot chick on this world would fuckin’ play Call of Duty and do that good.
RMP1: I’m gonna have to agree.
Play: How about the Frag Dolls?
RMP1: I have to agree.
RMP2: Don’t Open, Dead Inside? Oh, and she has insecurities, that’s cute. [Note: He was talking about my Black Ops 2 emblem]
[laughter]
5 CommentsRMP = Random Male Player
[gunfire as gameplay continues]
Me: My god [unintelligible]- up top right.
RMP1: Are you a girl, or a little boy?
[laughter]
Me: Look at the leaderboard- what does my name say?
RMP1: Uh… Slut?
Me: Wow.
RMP2: Jenny, how big is your FUPA?
RMP3: What’d you say?
RMP4: Who’s got a FUPA?
RMP3: Other than the FUPA kid.
RMP2: Jennay.
RMP4: I wanna know all about this FUPA. Give me the dimensions of that FUPA.
1 CommentThe Kickstarter for GTFO: A Film About Women in Gaming has been fully funded- yay! But there’s still three days left to back it, and show your support for this awesome project.
Jsney = Friend
RMP = Random Male Player
Jsney: Jon told me you never made it down here that day.
Me: Oh, I got a job.
Jsney: Oh, congrats.
Me: Yeah, it was uh, it was slightly more important for me to stick around and work than-
RMP1: Aw fuck, I got a bitch on my team!
3 CommentsCaptDrDan = Friend
RMP = Random Male Player
CaptDrDan: You don’t need touchscreens on your friggin’ controller.
RMP1: Shut up, loser.
Me: Yeah, that is kind of annoying. I already have like, 5 or 6 of these controllers anyway, so.
RMP1: Get in the kitchen, whore.
CaptDrDan: [laughs]
RMP1: What? Was that funny?
Me: No it wasn’t. You’re not funny.
RMP1: Hey Jenny. Oh yeah. About to put it in Jenny’s butt. ’bout to hit Jenny- ’bout to hit Jenny Heavy on our team.
4 Comments
Coolshit = Friend
RMP = Random Male Player
Coolshit: What was that?
Me: I said my birthday’s coming up; you know what to get me.
RMP1: A dildo?
RMP2: Hell no- that tattoo on her forehead that’s outlined in the shape of a dick-
RMP1: A PENIS. YUP. YUP.
RMP2: And it says “slap here”
RMP1: YUP.
[audio breaks up as game begins]
RMP1: Have you ever heard the song “Jenny Is A Fat Bitch”?
Coolshit: It’s about your mom, right?
2 CommentsMy group had just joined a lobby and were waiting to start the game, when I received this message.
He had a microphone, but he didn’t speak at all- just sent me poorly spelled text messages.
I laughed, the game started, and we were winning by a healthy amount. But then ExpLOdinG nEWb backs out in the middle of the game (presumably because he’s losing, badly).
I messaged him this (because if you’re going to make stupid sexist jokes, and then quit in the middle of a match like a whiny loser, why not):
His response made my laugh my ass off:
Because looking at his record, ExpLOdinG nEWb has over 400 hours logged in this game, and has completely maxed out his prestige. Just like me. Only my stats are considerably better.
So I called him out on it:
And then he didn’t want to play anymore.
2 Comments
Alternate title: You’re fat! No, YOU’RE fat!
Kamikaze, Play = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
Kamikaze: I missed fucking bullshitting assholes.
Play: Who have horrible fucking scores.
Kamikaze: Four months of just normal conversations, and I’m back to this bullshit.*
RMP1: Hey yo, you can tell the bitch got no life- her fuckin’ K/D is 2.07.
Play: Or maybe when she plays she’s actually good. Unlike your ass. With your 1.34.
RMP1: Yeah, she good at suckin’ this dick right here.
Kamikaze: Yeah. She has more life than you’ll ever have, you three hundred pound loser with your tiny dick.
Play: Hah! You can’t find it, what do you mean?
RMP1: Fuckin’, I bet that bitch fat as hell.
Kamikaze: He’s probably 450 with a tiny dick.
Me: He left. He left.
Background information: I created a secondary gamertag with some Xbox LIVE day passes that was extremely feminine and silly sounding just as a tiny “experiment” . I wanted to see if I was treated any differently than I am with my (still feminine but very normal sounding) Jenny Haniver gamertag. I had just switched from that account to my primary Jenny Haniver account, which is what we’re discussing at the beginning of the first audio clip. My voice set off the group of RMPs we joined, and the room descended into insanity.
One of my readers referred to this kind of “zero-to-crazy in 60 seconds” type behavior as banana mode, which I thought was hilarious and especially fitting for this instance because of the animal noises.
CaptDrDan, Wildcat, Sprawler = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
Me: Ah, it’s good to be back. Okay.
CaptDrDan: [laughing] Very different experience.
Wildcat: All sparkly.
Me: I’m no longer sparkly. Now I’m just boring old Jenny.
Sprawler: You’re always sparkly.
Me: Awww, thank you Sprawler!
[audio drops out as we join a lobby]
Me: Wow, this is weird, I got a message from Xbox LIVE saying they took action on one of the complaints I filed.
RMP1: [interrupting] Hey Jenny, you sexy little bitch.
[laughter]
RMP1: Hey Jenny. [unintelligible] …our challenger, baby?
Me: See, this is interesting to me. As soon as I flip back out of the other one…
RMP1: [mocking] Oh my god, that’s so interesting.
CaptDrDan: Sparkly Pony wouldn’t get anything, having what would be a normal name…
RMP2: We got another Sydney Sydney [?] on our hands.
[everybody talks at once]
RMP1: With a diiiiiiiiiiick.
RMP3: Whore.
RMP1: COCK.
RMP2: Jenny, you’re about to get the business.
CaptDrDan: Oh my god.
RMP1: About to get the business.
RMP?: In the butt. In the butt.
[room dissolves into random shouting and animal noises]
RMP?: About to get it in the butt, in the butt.
This recording takes place after we beat the team of RMPs present in the first recording.
RMP3: Look who got raped by a pistol, haha.
CaptDrDan: Dude, pistols are baller in this game.
RMP1: [mocking] Pistols are baller! Pistols are baller, oh my god!
Sprawler: You know it’s the one on the bottom of the team that’s talking, right?
RMP2: Talk to me, Jenny.
Sprawler: The one at the top ain’t saying anything.
RMP1: [weird voice] Hey Jenny, show me your TITS. NOW. Now, bitch. Fucking Jenny bitch.
RMP2: Oh nigger.
RMP4: The guy at the bottom is still talking.
7 CommentsThere are a lot of weird background conversations going on here (about muffins and websites?) that I didn’t bother to transcribe, but I like this clip because it’s a good representation of how abruptly things can go from “normal” to “WTF”.
CaptDrDan, Play, RUNVus = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
RMP1: Jenny I like your, uh, gamer picture.
Me: Thank you.
RMP2: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, Jenny sounds like a fat girl!
CaptDrDan: [laughter] And we’re good? Oh no, we’re not.
Play: This dude has 37 thousand, almost 38 thousand kills.
Me: I had such high hopes Dan, and then it was just all shot down.
RMP2: Jenny, how much do you weigh? How fat are you?
RUNVus: She weighs, she, she weighs just enough for you, bitch.
1 CommentI really can’t stand this shit. This RFP was being unpleasant the entire time (picking on a gamer called Caboose and one named CaboosesGF), making fun of the GF for having the same name as her boyfriend. And to add to it, she started trying to shame the other female player because of her gender. It just makes absolutely no fucking sense, but that’s internalized misogyny for you. This woman just reeked of having to be ONE OF THE BOYS.
RMP = Random Male Player
RFP = Random Female Player
RMP1: PLEASE shut the fuck up.
RMP2: Why don’t you suck my dick, motherfucker.
RMP1: You don’t have one, you homosexual- that’s why you probably play games all the time… Pussy. [...I think this guy might have mixed up his insults somehow]
RMP2: Oh yeah, you know it motherfucker.
RMP3: …Your mom.
Me: Nice dude.
RFP: Caboose can’t play, his girlfriend plays better than he does.
Me: Why is that a bad thing? You’re a woman too, why does it matter?
RMP2: That motherfucker [username] can’t play either, he a campin’ little bitch!
CaboosesGF: You fatass bitch.
RFP: Hey shut up Jenny, you little camping bitch.
Me: I don’t understand why you’re being sexist against other women, that’s fucking stupid.
[RMPs and RFP back out of the lobby]
6 Comments
First things first, a PSA- last year at PAX East, I was interviewed for a documentary about harassment in the gaming industry. The documentary, called GTFO, now needs backers on Kickstarter in order to finalize production. Here is the trailer (which I am in!):
It’s an awesome cause, and has great potential to help educate people outside of the gaming community on the issue of harassment in gaming. I’m broke as hell and I donated, so dig deep in your pockets for your spare change!
Now for today’s audio update. One of the rare occasions where I’ve actually ran into what seems to be a 12 year old boy on Xbox. An angry one.
Mosh = Friend
RLK = Random Little Kid
Mosh: Whoop, there it is.
RLK: Not this map. No. Not this map. I hate this map.
Me: Yeah this map!
RLK: I hate this ma- SHUT UP BYATCH.
Me: Ha, woah.
1 CommentA bit of background on this one:
I joined into a random lobby and played a game. After the game, I received a friend request from xCheetahSpeedx, another player in the same lobby (who hadn’t said a single word to me). The next game started, and as I was playing, I came across a player who was clearly not there (his body was standing in a corner, not moving/shooting/etc.). Turns out it was xCheetahSpeedx! I killed him a few times, then received a message from him. Apparently he stopped mid-game to record and send me this:
After the match he said, “Yo Jenny, listen to that message I sent you!”
I did not end up accepting his friend request.
1 CommentFor background: We were playing Capture the Flag, it was a close game (our team was winning the round by one capture), and a bunch of us were sitting in our base for the last minute of the game so we wouldn’t lose. Which is standard CTF behavior.
Play = Friend
RMP = Random Male Player
[gunfire as game ends]
Me: Got him.
RMP1: I got no chance.
RMP2: I love how… I wish I had the patience to sit in a fucking corner the entire game.
RMP3: Right?
Me: Of course we were guarding our flag, that’s the fucking name of the game dude.
RMP4: Shut up fat bitch, no one told you to talk.
Play: Yo, shut the fuck up, you didn’t do shit.
Me: Wow. I don’t need your permission.
RMP3: One word. Sammich.
1 Comment
Applesauce = teammate
RMP = Random Male Player
RFP = Random Female Player
Applesauce: Oh, vote random, vote random- don’t let it lock up on that. Express, gross- we should back out.
Me: Awww, I like this map.
Applesauce: Okay, nevermind then.
RFP: Hah, no.
RMP1: Hey Jenny. You got big boobs? I like big boobs.
Applesauce: Oh my god.
Me: Congratulations?
RMP2: I remember my first female.
RMP1: [unintelligible] …fag. Besides, I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to your girlfriend.
RMP2: Not my girlfriend.
Leave a Comment
