Hard-ons and Hatred: A Year in Review

Jan 2nd

Happy 2014! Here’s a look back at some of the best (worst?) Not in the Kitchen Anymore moments of 2013.

January: Casanova, the early years– in which a little kid uses quality pick-up lines on me, such as “Hey. Hey girl. If you were a lightbulb, I would turn you on.”

February: Bad Doctor– in which I learn that people named “Dr. Roofy McTouchy” are not to be trusted.

March: Sore Loser– in which I played the game correctly and shot someone, so he called me a cunt and reported me.

April: Banana Mode– in which a multitude of guys freak out over my mere existence, and are obsessed with my butt and putting things in it.

May: Flawed Statistics– in which an Xbox LIVE scientists educates me on why hot girls don’t play games.

June: No time for subtlety– in which an RMP shares how much he wants to do the horizontal tango with me.

July: What a funny and not at all creepy joke– in which it’s made very clear, once again, that rape jokes are not really funny

August: Lots of Words– in which is laid out the whole bizarre story of a user sending me a very rapey message, and subsequently, the shitstorm that forced Microsoft to do something about it.

September: Toke & Joke– in which yet another guy goes out of his way to talk to me about his penis.

October: “I’m not good with girls.”– in which a total stranger decides that he wants to be my friend, and won’t take ‘no’ for an answer like a normal person.

November: 0 to necro in 30 seconds– in which an RMP elaborates on exactly what he’d like to do to my virtual corpse.

December: Scolded– in which a guy calls me a cunt for playing the game, and is promptly reprimanded by the rest of the lobby.