All of his points just make so much sense, guys! How eye-opening. I had no idea that the instant I picked up a controller, I became a fat ugly loser. Xbox Scientists are so educational!
Catalog, Dirtbiker = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
Catalog: What’d you say?
RMP1: It’s a Keanu Reeves character from Point Break.
Catalog: Oh. Okay.
RMP2: I said I can’t believe we lost to a team with a fat chick on it.
Me: Wow, that’s like super witty of you and everything, but uh, there’s no need to be a sore loser.
Coolshit: Hey dude, your mom was not on our team.
RMP2: You can calm down, I know you’re hungry. But caaaaaalm it down Jenny.
Me: No dude, all I’m saying is I’d be upset if I lost to a better team too. It sucks, sometimes it happens.
RMP2: No, I’m not complaining. I’m just, I’m just stating a fact. Hot girls don’t play video games.
Me: No no no no no, I understand, it makes you feel better to trash talk women because of their gender. That’s fine.
RMP2: Hot girls don’t play video games. I’m not trash talking women; I’m trash talking a pig.
Catalog: Wow. Because you know what she looks like.
Dirtbiker: [to RMP2] Dude, your clan tag is NERD.
RMP2: I know she’s huge. She’s huge. Name one hot girl that plays video games. There’s zero.
Me: Jenny Fucking Haniver.
Catalog: I can name a lot.
Dirtbiker: Not gonna lie, I can think of a couple.
Catalog: Yeah, I can think of few.
RMP2: She should have a penis, she sounds like a man.
RMP2: You should too, but we’re not judging.
RMP2: Great job, great job maxing, maxing out on your prestige. You must be super hot.
RMP1: [singing] Why can’t we be friends, why can’t we be friends…
After our team won the match:
Me: Are there any good uh, daily challenges today? Oh, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore though, I’m not prestiging again.
RMP3: Finish a bag of doritos.
Dirtbiker: I just bought a bag of Doritos. Ah, god. Anyone ever told you, you guys you have the best fourth-grade comebacks?
Dirtbiker: So I’m taking that as a ‘yes’. Alright.
And then the team of RMPs left the lobby.