Alternate title: You’re fat! No, YOU’RE fat!
Note: I am not condoning my friends’ responses to this guy. By posting this, I am in no way saying that Kamikaze’s response was appropriate, because it wasn’t. Fighting “fire with fire” like this is not an effective way of tackling this problem- but I am not in control of what other people say.
Kamikaze, Play = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
Kamikaze: I missed fucking bullshitting assholes.
Play: Who have horrible fucking scores.
Kamikaze: Four months of just normal conversations, and I’m back to this bullshit.*
RMP1: Hey yo, you can tell the bitch got no life- her fuckin’ K/D is 2.07.
Play: Or maybe when she plays she’s actually good. Unlike your ass. With your 1.34.
RMP1: Yeah, she good at suckin’ this dick right here.
Kamikaze: Yeah. She has more life than you’ll ever have, you three hundred pound loser with your tiny dick.
Play: Hah! You can’t find it, what do you mean?
RMP1: Fuckin’, I bet that bitch fat as hell.
Kamikaze: He’s probably 450 with a tiny dick.
Me: He left. He left.
Background information: I created a secondary gamertag with some Xbox LIVE day passes that was extremely feminine and silly sounding just as a tiny “experiment” . I wanted to see if I was treated any differently than I am with my (still feminine but very normal sounding) Jenny Haniver gamertag. I had just switched from that account to my primary Jenny Haniver account, which is what we’re discussing at the beginning of the first audio clip. My voice set off the group of RMPs we joined, and the room descended into insanity.
One of my readers referred to this kind of “zero-to-crazy in 60 seconds” type behavior as banana mode, which I thought was hilarious and especially fitting for this instance because of the animal noises.
CaptDrDan, Wildcat, Sprawler = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
Me: Ah, it’s good to be back. Okay.
CaptDrDan: [laughing] Very different experience.
Wildcat: All sparkly.
Me: I’m no longer sparkly. Now I’m just boring old Jenny.
Sprawler: You’re always sparkly.
Me: Awww, thank you Sprawler!
[audio drops out as we join a lobby]
Me: Wow, this is weird, I got a message from Xbox LIVE saying they took action on one of the complaints I filed.
RMP1: [interrupting] Hey Jenny, you sexy little bitch.
[laughter]
RMP1: Hey Jenny. [unintelligible] …our challenger, baby?
Me: See, this is interesting to me. As soon as I flip back out of the other one…
RMP1: [mocking] Oh my god, that’s so interesting.
CaptDrDan: Sparkly Pony wouldn’t get anything, having what would be a normal name…
RMP2: We got another Sydney Sydney [?] on our hands.
[everybody talks at once]
RMP1: With a diiiiiiiiiiick.
RMP3: Whore.
RMP1: COCK.
RMP2: Jenny, you’re about to get the business.
CaptDrDan: Oh my god.
RMP1: About to get the business.
RMP?: In the butt. In the butt.
[room dissolves into random shouting and animal noises]
RMP?: About to get it in the butt, in the butt.
This recording takes place after we beat the team of RMPs present in the first recording.
RMP3: Look who got raped by a pistol, haha.
CaptDrDan: Dude, pistols are baller in this game.
RMP1: [mocking] Pistols are baller! Pistols are baller, oh my god!
Sprawler: You know it’s the one on the bottom of the team that’s talking, right?
RMP2: Talk to me, Jenny.
Sprawler: The one at the top ain’t saying anything.
RMP1: [weird voice] Hey Jenny, show me your TITS. NOW. Now, bitch. Fucking Jenny bitch.
RMP2: Oh nigger.
RMP4: The guy at the bottom is still talking.
9 CommentsThere are a lot of weird background conversations going on here (about muffins and websites?) that I didn’t bother to transcribe, but I like this clip because it’s a good representation of how abruptly things can go from “normal” to “WTF”.
CaptDrDan, Play, RUNVus = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
RMP1: Jenny I like your, uh, gamer picture.
Me: Thank you.
RMP2: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, Jenny sounds like a fat girl!
CaptDrDan: [laughter] And we’re good? Oh no, we’re not.
Play: This dude has 37 thousand, almost 38 thousand kills.
Me: I had such high hopes Dan, and then it was just all shot down.
RMP2: Jenny, how much do you weigh? How fat are you?
RUNVus: She weighs, she, she weighs just enough for you, bitch.
1 CommentI really can’t stand this shit. This RFP was being unpleasant the entire time (picking on a gamer called Caboose and one named CaboosesGF), making fun of the GF for having the same name as her boyfriend. And to add to it, she started trying to shame the other female player because of her gender. It just makes absolutely no fucking sense, but that’s internalized misogyny for you. This woman just reeked of having to be ONE OF THE BOYS.
RMP = Random Male Player
RFP = Random Female Player
RMP1: PLEASE shut the fuck up.
RMP2: Why don’t you suck my dick, motherfucker.
RMP1: You don’t have one, you homosexual- that’s why you probably play games all the time… Pussy. [...I think this guy might have mixed up his insults somehow]
RMP2: Oh yeah, you know it motherfucker.
RMP3: …Your mom.
Me: Nice dude.
RFP: Caboose can’t play, his girlfriend plays better than he does.
Me: Why is that a bad thing? You’re a woman too, why does it matter?
RMP2: That motherfucker [username] can’t play either, he a campin’ little bitch!
CaboosesGF: You fatass bitch.
RFP: Hey shut up Jenny, you little camping bitch.
Me: I don’t understand why you’re being sexist against other women, that’s fucking stupid.
[RMPs and RFP back out of the lobby]
6 Comments
First things first, a PSA- last year at PAX East, I was interviewed for a documentary about harassment in the gaming industry. The documentary, called GTFO, now needs backers on Kickstarter in order to finalize production. Here is the trailer (which I am in!):
It’s an awesome cause, and has great potential to help educate people outside of the gaming community on the issue of harassment in gaming. I’m broke as hell and I donated, so dig deep in your pockets for your spare change!
Now for today’s audio update. One of the rare occasions where I’ve actually ran into what seems to be a 12 year old boy on Xbox. An angry one.
Mosh = Friend
RLK = Random Little Kid
Mosh: Whoop, there it is.
RLK: Not this map. No. Not this map. I hate this map.
Me: Yeah this map!
RLK: I hate this ma- SHUT UP BYATCH.
Me: Ha, woah.
1 CommentA bit of background on this one:
I joined into a random lobby and played a game. After the game, I received a friend request from xCheetahSpeedx, another player in the same lobby (who hadn’t said a single word to me). The next game started, and as I was playing, I came across a player who was clearly not there (his body was standing in a corner, not moving/shooting/etc.). Turns out it was xCheetahSpeedx! I killed him a few times, then received a message from him. Apparently he stopped mid-game to record and send me this:
After the match he said, “Yo Jenny, listen to that message I sent you!”
I did not end up accepting his friend request.
4 CommentsFor background: We were playing Capture the Flag, it was a close game (our team was winning the round by one capture), and a bunch of us were sitting in our base for the last minute of the game so we wouldn’t lose. Which is standard CTF behavior.
Play = Friend
RMP = Random Male Player
[gunfire as game ends]
Me: Got him.
RMP1: I got no chance.
RMP2: I love how… I wish I had the patience to sit in a fucking corner the entire game.
RMP3: Right?
Me: Of course we were guarding our flag, that’s the fucking name of the game dude.
RMP4: Shut up fat bitch, no one told you to talk.
Play: Yo, shut the fuck up, you didn’t do shit.
Me: Wow. I don’t need your permission.
RMP3: One word. Sammich.
1 Comment
Applesauce = teammate
RMP = Random Male Player
RFP = Random Female Player
Applesauce: Oh, vote random, vote random- don’t let it lock up on that. Express, gross- we should back out.
Me: Awww, I like this map.
Applesauce: Okay, nevermind then.
RFP: Hah, no.
RMP1: Hey Jenny. You got big boobs? I like big boobs.
Applesauce: Oh my god.
Me: Congratulations?
RMP2: I remember my first female.
RMP1: [unintelligible] …fag. Besides, I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to your girlfriend.
RMP2: Not my girlfriend.
Leave a CommentI received this voice message from player PUREmass101 during a game yesterday.
PUREmass101: You’ve been reported, you dumb fat fucking cunt!
After listening to it, I was really confused, as A) I had no recollection of playing against this PUREmass101 guy, and B) Why the hell would someone report me. So I replayed the game in the Theater, and found out what I did to piss this guy off so much that he apparently rage quit the game and ”reported” me for… Whatever.
That’s right. I shot him before he could get his care package.
UNFORGIVEABLE.
5 CommentsMy friend Catalog (AKA Golatac) and I played against this random team who were really, really angry over losing. Sorry for the echo; one of them had a fucked-up mic.
RMP = Random Male Player
RMP1: [unintelligible] …campin’ nigs. I can’t complain though, that fuckin’ Golatac garbage teammates were fuckin’ campin’ like little faggots too. And that Jenny whore that was with them.
RMP2: Yeah, that fuckin’ [unintelligible].
RMP1: That fuckin’ whore. Filthy dirty bitch.
[laughter]
1 Comment
Capt.DrDan, Catalog = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
Me: Oh, are you serious? He has a pistol?
RMP1: Are you a girl?
Me: Negative, I am a meat popsicle.
RMP2: I don’t know, what, what is, what is her gamertag say?
Capt.DrDan: Negatron.
RMP1: I don’t know.
RMP2: It says Jenny. That’s a girl’s name.
Catalog: One below it.
Capt.DrDan: One from gas station.
RMP2: Is she a hermaphrodite? We don’t know. Maybe she has… Testicular… Feminization.
Capt.DrDan: Fuck me. Goddammit.
1 Comment
Capt.DrDan, RUNVus = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
[gameplay audio as match ends]
Me: Nice.
Capt.DrDan: Having all that shit- [audio is garbled because of microphone feedback]
RMP1: Lieu- Lieutenant Dan, you got promoted to a Captain.
Capt.DrDan: Actually that never happened in the movie.
RMP1: Lieutenant Dan.
Capt.DrDan: He was medically chaptered out, because he didn’t have any legs anymore.
RMP1: Captain Dan. Captain Dan, why you with my girlfriend Jennay?
RUNVus: Well he became a first- he was the captain of the boat for Bubba Gump Shrimp.
RMP1: Jennay.
Capt.DrDan: I- I muted him. He was irritating me.
RMP1: Why you with Jennay, Dan? Lieutenant Dan?
[long silence]
Me: I think he gave up.
RMP1: Jennay. Jennay, why do you let him hit you like that?
RMP2: Jenny watches Robot Chicken. [note: I have literally no idea what he meant by this]
RMP3: Hey [unintelligible], stay in here.
RMP1: Jennay. I’d run away with you. I’d run across America for you. Lieutenant Dan.
RMP3: HEY JENNY. How much for a blowjob, bitch?
Me: You couldn’t afford me, dude.
RMP3: How’d you get that Xbox in the kitchen, cunt?
Capt.DrDan: Man.
Leave a Comment
Out of all the reasons people want to pick me up as a teammate, “pretty voice” was the most unexpected.
RMP = Random Male Player
RMP1: Oh yeah.
RMP2: I just, I just uh, killed half the team there at one time.
RMP1: You’re moddin’. Jenny, is the uh, uh, other guy, the mask guy, is he with you?
Me: No.
RMP3: Ah so you’re gonna pick up the, pick up the girl with the pretty voice!
RMP1: Hush! You’ll scare her away already man, damn!
Leave a CommentCuddle, RUNVus, Mopie, Bacon, Cool = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
Cuddly: Shit, I don’t care what you play long as we play something, ‘cuz I’m going to the bar…
RUNVus: Why aren’t you fuckin’ representing OGZR Cuddly?
Me: Maybe it’s because you’re being mean to him, huh? Did you ever think about that?
RMP1: Maybe it’s because you’re a fat cunt.
Me: Not… Not really.
Mopie: Oooooh, he told you.
RMP1: You sound like you’re a fuckin’ queer.
Mopie: Man, everyone loves each other in this game.
RMP2: Fuck you bitch.
Bacon: Is that not what I just said?
Cool: Where is the love, guys?
Me: I don’t think I want to be friends with a guy named “Dr. Roofy McTouchy” [yes that was really RMP1's gamertag, and yes he sent me a friend request]
[laughter]
RMP1: You wan’ me to make you a drink, baby?
Mopie: Using my medical expertise, I’d say- don’t drink that.
RMP2: SHUT UP.
2 Comments