As I’ve mentioned before, I recently started live streaming some of my gameplay on Twitch. This update shows an incident that occurred during a stream this weekend. One note to make is that when I speak at the beginning of the video, my game microphone was muted. The stream viewers could hear me speaking, but none of the players in the lobby could. Players talking are indicated by the speaker icon next to their name flashing.
Me: [talking to stream viewers] Oh god, trust me- you are not missing much. I’m doing abysmal, that’s why there are only 5 people in here right now. ‘Cuz I’m an embarrassment.
[players join lobby]
Saggitaurius: I kinda wanna fuck, wanna fuck that 400 bullshit guy up. But oh well.
MEAxGHOST: I’m gonna skull-fuck you guys. Who has a mic and can hear me? I’m gonna skull-fuck the shit outta yooooooooooooooooou. You know what a blowbang is? I’m gonna do that to ya.
Saggitaurius: Don’t even explain it, just say I’m gonna do that to you. Oh fuck yes.
MEAxGHOST: Ohhhhh, look at this, we got, we got a little fuckin’ woman in here. I like women, ’cause they’re insufficient and they don’t know how to drive.
MEAxGHOST: You are useless to the world, LEEEE- –EEEEAVE.
Saggitaurius: [laughing] Oh, come on.
MEAxGHOST: You’re useless when your hymen is broken.
**They were very quiet after the match and backed out quickly, because my team won and I did better than everybody else in the lobby.
User PHATDOG decided he had an issue with me, and things progressed from annoying to a little rapey pretty quickly.
RMP = Random Male Player
PHATDOG = Moron
RMP1: Oh I need to clean this damn fishtank.
PHATDOG: Hey Jenny.
PHATDOG: You on your period or something? Cuz you didn’t do too hot. Being a leader. Of the other bitches that were on your team.
Me: [heavily sarcastic] You are just adorable.
PHATDOG: Jenny Hanoverfist. Eating chicken nuggets.
RMP2: Are you… Are you fat?
PHATDOG: Yeah, are you fat? We were wonderin’.
Me: Keep talking dude. Let it all out. Let all that anger out. It’s okay- we’re here for you, man.
RMP2: I won. Why would I be angry if I won?
PHATDOG: Hey is your- is your middle name… eatin’… And your real last name “Hanoverfist”? Jenny Eatin’ Hanoverfist? [giggles]
RMP3: That’s just… That’s just wrong. Now I feel bad dude. That’s pretty mean.
PHATDOG: What are you, her internet boyfriend?
PHATDOG: Girls like that come on this Xbox for attention. They live for it.
RMP3: Dude, dude- girls can like games just like guys.
PHATDOG: Woah woah woah- girls like Pinterest, bro. She’s either a lesbian or-
[everyone talks at once]
RMP3: My girlfriend games.
PHATDOG: Yeah well your girlfriend’s probably fat and-
I played a game then backed out of the lobby after I got sick of hearing sexist jokes. I then received this message, which is apparently slang for ‘slut’:
To which I responded:
Then he sent me this voice message:
I’ve reported him to Xbox LIVE, but I’d honestly be surprised if they took any action, given that he has apparently had an account for 10 years.
Background information: I created a secondary gamertag with some Xbox LIVE day passes that was extremely feminine and silly sounding just as a tiny “experiment” . I wanted to see if I was treated any differently than I am with my (still feminine but very normal sounding) Jenny Haniver gamertag. I had just switched from that account to my primary Jenny Haniver account, which is what we’re discussing at the beginning of the first audio clip. My voice set off the group of RMPs we joined, and the room descended into insanity.
One of my readers referred to this kind of “zero-to-crazy in 60 seconds” type behavior as banana mode, which I thought was hilarious and especially fitting for this instance because of the animal noises.
CaptDrDan, Wildcat, Sprawler = Friends
RMP = Random Male Player
Me: Ah, it’s good to be back. Okay.
CaptDrDan: [laughing] Very different experience.
Wildcat: All sparkly.
Me: I’m no longer sparkly. Now I’m just boring old Jenny.
Sprawler: You’re always sparkly.
Me: Awww, thank you Sprawler!
Me: Wow, this is weird, I got a message from Xbox LIVE saying they took action on one of the complaints I filed.
RMP1: [interrupting] Hey Jenny, you sexy little bitch.
RMP1: Hey Jenny. [unintelligible] …our challenger, baby?
Me: See, this is interesting to me. As soon as I flip back out of the other one…
RMP1: [mocking] Oh my god, that’s so interesting.
CaptDrDan: Sparkly Pony wouldn’t get anything, having what would be a normal name…
RMP2: We got another Sydney Sydney [?] on our hands.
[everybody talks at once]
RMP1: With a diiiiiiiiiiick.
RMP2: Jenny, you’re about to get the business.
CaptDrDan: Oh my god.
RMP1: About to get the business.
RMP?: In the butt. In the butt.
[room dissolves into random shouting and animal noises]
RMP?: About to get it in the butt, in the butt.
This recording takes place after we beat the team of RMPs present in the first recording.
RMP3: Look who got raped by a pistol, haha.
CaptDrDan: Dude, pistols are baller in this game.
RMP1: [mocking] Pistols are baller! Pistols are baller, oh my god!
Sprawler: You know it’s the one on the bottom of the team that’s talking, right?
RMP2: Talk to me, Jenny.
Sprawler: The one at the top ain’t saying anything.
RMP1: [weird voice] Hey Jenny, show me your TITS. NOW. Now, bitch. Fucking Jenny bitch.
RMP2: Oh nigger.
RMP4: The guy at the bottom is still talking.
A bit of background on this one:
I joined into a random lobby and played a game. After the game, I received a friend request from xCheetahSpeedx, another player in the same lobby (who hadn’t said a single word to me). The next game started, and as I was playing, I came across a player who was clearly not there (his body was standing in a corner, not moving/shooting/etc.). Turns out it was xCheetahSpeedx! I killed him a few times, then received a message from him. Apparently he stopped mid-game to record and send me this:
After the match he said, “Yo Jenny, listen to that message I sent you!”
I did not end up accepting his friend request.
You have no idea how much I agonized over how to properly spell the word “hiney”. NO IDEA.
RMP = Random Male Player
RMP1: Good game, guys!
Me: You guys could uh, should take a cigarette break after one more game so I can put on the kettle.
RMP2: The kettttttttle.
RMP3: Hey yo bitch, you want me to spit in yo hineyhole?