The Fat and the Furious

Jan 14th

Play = Friend

RMP = Random Male Player


Play: Yeah, I tried to, but it was taking forever. Huh.

Me: Uhmmmm…

[we enter a lobby]

Me: Yay.

Play: There we go.

RMP1: Yeah baby.

Me: Carrier or random?

RMP1: …Shut up.

Me: That’s not how this works.

RMP1: Jenny the fat bitch.

Me: Oh-ho, big words. Play, what do you want to do?

RMP1: Hey yo, you sound like that, you look like that Pillsbury Doughgirl.

RMP2:¬†[laughter] That’s stupid, nigger.

Play: Pillsbury Dough…girl? Okay. Pretty sure that’s not a girl.

RMP1: Yeah, shut up bitch. You’re probably that nigga licking those fat ass titties, nigga. Shut up.

Me:¬†Oooo, Play, you’d be such a lucky guy.

RMP1: That ain’t a lucky guy nigga, that nigga’s squished.

Me: Oh my god, you are a mouth-breathing piece of shit.

[RMPs laugh so hard they lose their breath]

Play: Yo, fuckin’ use your inhaler man, use your inhaler before you run outta-

RMP1: Aw nigga, you protecting a fat ass bitch.

Play: Actually, she’s not fat actually.

RMP1: Yeah she is. Stop hidin’ it. Stop hidin’ it. She’s not fat? I seen her.

Play: She really isn’t.


RMP1 ended up on our team. Kept talking shit. Realized I was a better player than him, and said something like (I kid you not), “Jenny. I can’t give you shit anymore.” Then proceeded to send me a game invitation after the match ended. What the fuck. I will never, ever be that desperate for people to play with.